Well, today is my 4th wedding anniversary! I thought about whether it was appropriate to write this before we hit one of those “multiple of 5″ milestones; also, because this is a personal finance website, I figured this wasn’t the right place.
I’m going to write it anyway!
I can’t say that married life has been a huge shock to me. Before we got married, we talked about almost everything concerning marriage. We are also both dedicated to honoring God in our marriage, and that is the most important thing a couple can have.
I wish I could just end it there, but that wouldn’t be honest. We have been through a lot in the last four years, and especially this last one! Personal issues have come up, both of our families have had their share of struggles and health concerns, and we’ve experienced a few financial setbacks. We both suffer from chronic illnesses, and my wife has suffered so much over the last year.
I just want to thank those who have helped our marriage be successful:
But even through all those things I mentioned above, we have grown closer to each other and God! We have tried to be more loving, kind, honorable, and selfless over time. It has been my daily prayer that I lead her into a deeper walk with Christ and that I show her honor. I love the way that 1 Peter 3:7 describes it:
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
I have to make sure that I am sensitive to her needs, feelings, fears, and emotions. For me, this is much tougher than it sounds. I am a very logical thinker by nature, and it is hard for me to understand when someone’s emotions are more “active” than mine (which is pretty much everybody).
In those times, I have to interact with her as a “weaker vessel”. Well, how would you handle a weak vessel? With care, using soft hands and words; you would be tender, always focusing on the delicacy of the vessel. The same is true in marriage. This is something that I pray for myself every day!
God has given me a lot of grace in this area. I can honestly say that I’m glad that my wife isn’t wired the way I am – we avoid so much trouble because she is able to balance out my thinking!
God calls marriage the “grace of life”, and I believe that it is the best type of relationship that we can have while on earth! God gave us marriage as a gift. He gave me my wife so that she can help me live a life that gives Him honor. She is my companion and the one that God chose to complete me and to cover my inadequacies and deficiencies.
I also pray that our communication is uplifting and that we only speak out of love. It can be so easy to become irritated by the little things your spouse does – I mean, we have to live with them 24/7! Something that you just overlook while dating, or you don’t realize because you aren’t living together, can become the most annoying thing in the world to you !
So we pray to be forgiving, loving, encouraging, kind, and have a very short memory! We dated for 5 years before getting married, and in the 9 years (see muffin, I’m counting the first 5 years ) that we’ve been together we never really argued. But even with that, I can see a change in the way that we communicate with each other, after we made this the focus of our prayers! God is so faithful to those who try to live for Him (even when we lose sight of that), and He deserves any praise and thanks for our marriage!
We have been blessed to have wonderful families. Her parents, siblings, aunts, uncle, godparents, niece, and nephews all treat me like I’m a part of the family. Even her sister-in-law (her brother’s wife) treats me like a brother! They have been such a blessing to our marriage – meddling, ungodly in-laws can be such a burden and stress on a marriage!
My family absolutely loves my wife! My parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins get along with her very well. Again, they never come with the typical “helpful suggestions”, comments, or criticisms that families can be known for. I know of so many marriages that have been destroyed because of discord between the families. God has really blessed us to have loving, supportive families that know how to avoid stirring up trouble!
I love our families and wouldn’t trade them for anything!
Both of us have very loyal and long-standing friends. They have gone from just a friend of one to now being a friend of both. It is amazing to see how quickly my friends just cast me aside for her , and her friends have embraced me as well! They have always been supportive of us and have encouraged us to follow God.
Having loving friends has helped to keep our marriage strong, and we love you all!
Having a godly, Christ-centered, bible-teaching church has made a huge impact on our marriage. Right before our engagement, we both came out of some tough situations with our former churches. Having a place where we can consistently hear God’s word, and share with other believers is wonderful. Since obedience to God is the most important thing in our lives, it really helps to have other people around us who have the same objective!
I really don’t know what to say about my wife! She is truly a gift from God, and I thank Him everyday for putting her in my life!
She helps to keep me grounded, she always speaks well of me to others and will only point out a weakness in private. She is constantly praying for and with me, and she is my best friend!
She has been so loving, forgiving, a great listener, compassionate, tender, wise, and godly. I pray that I can live up to the honor of leading her to a closer relationship with God, and sharing in the “grace of life”!
I want my love for her to be more than just words or gifts, I want my actions and demeanor to demonstrate the affections of my heart!
To my wife:
You are the most wonderful wife and friend! God gave me more than I ever hoped or prayed for in you! I am far from perfect, but please know that I am grieved whenever my flaws and sins affect you, and in my service to God, you are my first priority! For as long as God allows us to walk through this life together, we will be one flesh.
I will try my best to love you like “Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.” ~ Ephesians 5:25-27
My primary goal in life is to lead us in such a way that you would be sanctified, purified by God’s word, and living a life that is holy and blameless.
I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you!
Your grateful husband
© 2010, Khaleef Crumbley. All rights reserved.