Why You and Your Spouse Need a Regular Date Night

by Kevin M on February 12, 2013

in Marriage

Remember how much fun dating was before you were married? It didn’t have to stop once you got married, or even when you had children. For a variety of reasons, having a regular date night may be more important after you are married that it was before.

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Date Night Married Couples

Date Night For Married Couples: Why It Is So Important

You Never Want To Become Part Of Each Others Routine

It’s inescapable that as a married couple you can very easily blend into one another’s routine. By that I mean that there are certain habits and pastimes that come about as a result of sharing a household. You’ll eat dinner at a certain time nearly every day, watch the same TV programs, clean house, pay bills and even work out as part of an ongoing routine.

Just as it was when you were growing up in your family, there’s an incredible tendency to take one another for granted. Each spouse becomes a part of the routine for the other. I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that it’s the beginning of becoming invisible to each other.

It is possible for a married couple to drift apart even though they’re living together. The problem is that you’re not living a life, but going through the motions of a routine. That can wreak havoc on a marriage.

Having a regular date night is a way to break out of that routine. Even though dating itself can be a form of routine, you are removing yourselves from the familiarity of your home and all that you normally do there. That will be an opportunity to refresh your relationship.

Date Night Is A Chance To Re-establish Your Status As A Couple

A date night will help you maintain your status as a couple, and re-establish it if the idea has gotten lost. This is more important than most married couples realize.

We all understand the importance of family. It has different components: parent/child, father/son, mother/daughter, mother/son, and father/daughter. This will be true even if you have extended family members living with you, such as an elderly parent. That will still take on the parent/child relationship, even if the dynamic of that relationship has changed.

The husband/wife bond however is unique among family relationships. It is the one relationship in a typical household in which the pair are not joined by blood or lineage. It is a relationship born of mutual attraction.

That mutual attraction was fed early in your relationship in part at least by spending time with each other apart from everyone else. That’s no less important after you’ve been married for many years than it was the beginning.

No matter how long you’ve been married, you’re still a couple, so it’s important to get involved in activities specifically suited to couples. If this step is eliminated, the couple connection begins to loosen and become progressively less important. Having a regular date night is the perfect way to avoid this outcome.

It’s making a statement that your relationship as a couple is important enough to invest time in. You both need to know that, and a date night is an action step in that direction.

Elderly Couple Holding Hands On Date

Removing Outside Distractions

One part of a date night that’s really important is removing outside distractions. If you have been married for a least a few years, it’s very easy to become mentally and emotionally wrapped up in lifestyle and circumstances. This is particularly true if you have children or other family members living with you. The other family members can become the focal point of your relationship to the point that you forget that you ever had a relationship as a couple before they all came along.

As parents of two children, my wife and I have learned this only too well. We’ve often avoided going places as a couple – as in on a date – out of a desire to include our children in everything. While that may be natural for a parent, it isn’t practical or constructive. Sometimes you absolutely need physical distance from your children. A regular date night is a way to establish that as a reality in your life.

You also have to develop the discipline to get your children out of your head, at least for a night. If you can‘t, they will control your evening without even being there! Your thoughts and conversation will center on the kids, not on each other.

Date night has to be a married couples refuge from their routine. That means concentrating on each other, and on the activities that are planned for the evening. The whole purpose for a night out is for the two of you to be out together as a couple, and at least for a few hours, to put the rest of your life into a safe place while you simply enjoy each other’s company.

It’s Something You Have To Do If You Have Dependents

Kids can overwhelming you and take over your life! Not only do they have a lot of needs, but they also have boundless energy. And let’s face it, they’re also immature, which forces parents into a certain change of mindset. In an attempt to be a good parent, it’s not hard for you to allow your children to dominate your life. The has very real potential to interfere with your marriage.

As a married couple, you need get away from this on a regular basis and to do it as a couple. Even though you have children, you’re still an adult, and in a relationship with your spouse. Those elements of your personality and your life have to be nurtured, just as your children do.

Having a date night means getting away from your children, and that will not only strengthen your relationship as a couple, but can also help to give you the resolve that you need to raise your children as part of the relationship that you have with one another.

A date night can give you a little bit of time, and even a little bit of physical space, to nurture the relationship that your family was born from. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, or whatever arrangement you are comfortable with, it’s a part of your lives that you need to feed a regular basis.

photo credit top: Patrick Q via photopin cc

photo credit bottom: Ed Yourdon via photopin cc

Do you and your spouse have a regular date night?

© 2013, Kevin M. All rights reserved.

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